Strength

By Aynsley Saxe

Ever have one of those months that leaves your head and your heart spinning?

June was a tilt-a-whirl for me. A tilt-a-whirl I didn’t know I had bought tickets for at the beginning of the month.

Mid-month, my partner, proposed to me at a cafe, where we were both performing our music. We had met at this cafe years ago, and after dedicating a song for me that he had written he got down on one knee in front of the crowd and proposed. Because my voice was lost somewhere between my knees and my ankles I mouthed the word “yes” which he heard with his heart. The depth of love I feel for him is something I didn’t know existed before meeting him. Knowing we’ll be sharing the rest of our lives is an adventure that beckons me with such excitement I can hardly wait for it. The beauty of this incredible surprise (my jaw literally hit the floor) was only slightly overshadowed a few days later when I walked into my home to find it had been ransacked by burglars. Yes. I had quite a few surprises for one week.

Today I’m breathing a sigh of relief that no one was hurt, that the damages that were done were minor and that what they walked off with is replaceable. It’s interesting how when an incident like that happens you know beyond all doubt how unimportant your physical possessions are compared to your inner feelings. I would have given these people everything I owned if that would have given me back my feeling of safety and security immediately. I know recovering my inner peace is going to take some effort on my part. And it makes me angry knowing they’ve pushed me into this process. But I know I can get it back.

This is what I’m going to do:

I’m going to write about it. All of it. Then, I’m going to talk about it with some trusted friends, and absolutely talk about it with my friend who does energy work whom I coincidentally have an appointment with soon.

Then, after I do some emotional releasing, I’m going to accept where I am, wherever I am. And I’m going to trust that it’s okay to feel what I feel and there’s no intense rush to get all of these feelings out all at once or to transform them in 30 seconds. I’m going to remind myself that I will be able to forgive these people eventually. I’m going to remember that most importantly being loving and accepting of myself where I am right now is part of the winding path of forgiveness. I’m going to remind my heart that recovering my trust is a process that will come gradually. I’m going to remember that there’s no “right” way to feel. I’m going to be gentle with myself.

Then, I’m going to take a sea salt bath and think about all the good things in my life. I may even treat myself to a pedicure.

And then I’m going to let my heart think about a beautiful wedding.

PS. I wrote the above a few days ago and I’m now feeling a whole lot better. I also started thinking about the word burglar. It sounds a bit like burger. I would have been appalled if they had burgerized my home and left burgers everywhere, especially considering I don’t eat meat. I wouldn’t want my place burgerized, would you?! Veggie-burgerized…maybe.

Processes for Reflection:

Do you feel strong? List the reasons why you feel strong, from the inside out.

Do you have anyone in your life you need to forgive? Explore the feelings you may have kept within you and the reasons why you may not want to forgive.

Remember that fear is a choice. Next time you feel fearful, think about how you would instead prefer to feel. Gently ease yourself into better feelings through intentional thought.

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.

Befriending Confusion

By Jeff Brown

Moving forward often demands that we live lost, knowingly surrendering our attachment to who we think we are, voluntarily stumbling around in the dark with little to guide us. Growing is all about leaps into the seeming unknown.

If there was one skill that I could not have done without on my spiritual journey, it was my learned capacity to befriend my confusion. As old ways of being died off, new ways of being invariably came to life. Before the transition was complete, there was a time, often a long time, when all of these parts were pressing up against me at the same time. In “Soulshaping,” I refer to this in-between phase as a “spiritual emergingcy” — a state of confusion and inner tumult that arises when a new pathway is forcing its way into consciousness, prior to its full emergence and integration. The bridge from one side to the other is confusion. You have to learn how to hold the space for all of your parts and befriend your confusion, until clarity emerges on its own terms.

Unfortunately, befriending our confusion is difficult to hold to in a linear world. Those that walk the path of uncertainty are frequently characterized as flakes, drifters, and, ironically, lost souls. Nowhere in society are we taught to distinguish aimless from growth-full confusion, madness from truth aches, nervous breakdowns from nervous breakthroughs, habitual crisis from spiritual emergingcies. Confusion is sadly stigmatized as the mark of the “loser” without regard for the fact that one cannot come to know anything without first surrendering to the not knowing.

Our state of confusion often arises in the context of careers and relationships: Why do I hate my job? What are my callings? How do I really feel about this relationship? We develop a truth ache- a sense of internal dissonance about our path, a crying out for another direction.

Sadly, when we begin questioning our choices, resistant voices often float to the surface — voices of habit and fear, internalized judgments, well-entrenched defenses. Although progress has been made on many levels, most of us are still making our primary choices as to path through a survivalist lens, with a vigilant eye to what is most practical, safe and materially satisfying.

When we step out of this framework, when we make a move toward a more soulful idea of success, we open the door to confusion, at least at first. The voices of the world arise within us in an effort to sweep away the whispers of a deeper truth. The desire to quit our unfulfilling job and find our callings is met with neurotic images of poverty. The longing to find a genuine soul-mate is overwhelmed with images of eternal aloneness. We are then confronted with a choice — turn back to familiar harbors, or let the inner battle wage on. Play it safe, or see it through…

If we don’t see it through, we risk all manner of difficulty. What ultimately holds us back is our resistance to bringing our truth ache into consciousness. Although sometimes painful, although it may well force us to turn our habitual patterns upside down, the truth-ache contains the seeds of our transformation. When we repress it, truth decay sets in, and the only thing that can save us is a truth canal. Sometimes we wait too long, and we lose our truth altogether.

Seeing it through is no easy feat. You will need support. You will need to work hard to identify the voices that are attempting to obstruct your transition. They will come in many difficult and credible forms, often disguised as your friends. You will have to patiently expand your capacity to sit in the “not knowing” in ways that nobody ever taught you. And you may even have to hold to a state that feels a little mad now and then, as different aspects of your inner world come into conflict.

But if you can see it all the way through, you will be rewarded. You will know a measure of soul-satisfaction that you will never know on a false path. You will see through different eyes and feel at peace in your soul-skin. You will not have to ask the universe for what you need because the door to humanifestation will open wide as the universe rewards you for your courage. You will know a remarkably enriched reality.

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of “Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation,” recently published by North Atlantic Books. Endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and Ram Dass , “Soulshaping” is Brown’s autobiography — an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path. You can connect with his work at www.soulshaping.com

Yielding

By Aynsley Saxe

In March I had the chance to prance barefoot on the sand in Florida. You got it: pranced. I also meandered, roamed, searched (for shells and myself), stretched and inhaled the sea.

I trailed sandpipers and avoided jellyfish that had beached themselves on the sand. I left my day-timer in Ontario, I turned off my cell phone (I didn’t check texts or messages) and I even severed myself from…(drum roll)…the internet!

On the white sand I traced the ocean with my vacation toes. As I looked out at the vast expanse of water before the horizon I began to feel very small. Actually, I began to feel wonderfully small.

As I wandered along the shore, I etched my feet into the sand and when I looked back I saw that my footprints had been swept clean. They had vanished completely by the rushing waves. On the smooth clean sand there was no hint of where I had walked only moments before.

The absence of my footprints made me feel really good. On a different day I could have easily gone into a spell about meaninglessness “If everything we do just gets washed away then what’s the point…?” But that day watching my fleeting footprints was calming. I remembered how strong the ocean is. I remembered how big life is. I remembered how unimportant I am. Not in a bad, depressed way, just in a way that made me put my life on this Earth in perspective.

Living in an urban environment, we, as humans, get a sense of ourselves as all too big most of the time. It’s not hard to imagine why, when we live among towering buildings, manicured lawns and busy highways. But then a thunderstorm rips through our backyard, or a blizzard brings down four feet of snow (hopefully not this April!), and we remember we’re not quite as gigantic as we thought we were. Heeeeeeere’s Mother Nature!! (Think Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”).

It’s easy to forget, when we’re stepping on concrete, that we’re mammals, that we’re a part of nature and that we’re only slightly different from others who walk, swim or fly this Earth. Be honest. How often do you think of yourself as an animal? Okay maybe I don’t want to know…

But seriously, if you’re feeling overburdened, overly responsible, or too big for your own good, remember the ocean. Remember there is a force of life much stronger than you, that you can’t control and that you must surrender to that will wash away your footprints, no matter how many phone calls you need to make or how many appointments you put in your day-timer.

If you’re feeling tiny or insignificant, remember the ocean. Remember that you are part of this immense force called life. You are bigger and more important than you can ever fully imagine. What you do ripples out further than you can see. Who you are matters more than you know.

Processes for Reflection:

Write down a list of forces that are bigger than you. They can be anything: the ocean, gravity, love, etc.

Pick one force you feel positive about. Close your eyes, relax your face, allow your shoulders to loosen and take a few gentle breaths. Intend that you will merge with this force in a gentle, easy way that is right for you in this moment. Imagine yourself breathing into it and it breathing into you. Notice any sensations you have. Don’t worry if your mind travels, just bring yourself back to your breath and your intention.

Soak up this feeling. Journal about it if you like. Imprint it in your memory so the next time you feel the need to reconnect with a larger force you can easily recall the feeling.

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.

Holding Space

by Erica Ross

Holding space is an act of love.

It is, for me, akin to the Buddhist Metta practice; where one cultivates loving kindness towards oneself, and then out to the other, and to the world.

To begin with oneself, holding space is an expression of self-care, respect and devotion. It is an act of self-kindness, forgiveness and softness which helps foster our ability to heal to wholeness, to find our authentic voice and dance. It is an acceptance and affirmation of our emotions, from our deepest pain to our most glorious bliss. It is a waiting and a stillness that quietly cradles our greatest dreams and hopes. It is a permeable encirclement that holds all that we were, all that we are, and all that we will be. No exceptions.

Holding space is a beauty path, a golden road, a Tao. It’s a way of breathing, of seeing, of perceiving and feeling. It’s a way of moving, of opening, of trusting and surrendering. Holding space says, “Yes! You have come home. You are beautiful. Let go. Relax. You’re good enough. You can do it.”

As we move out beyond our own skin, we hold space for another in the form of deep and compassionate listening and acceptance. It is the practice of keeping our heart open, of letting our breath be fluid and easy, of quieting our mind’s judgments and criticisms and actually letting someone in, to connect in a soulful and sacred way. It’s an invitation to the other to be more of who they are without pre-conceived ideas, making room for the unexpected and the mysterious. It is the holding of all things good and life-affirming for them. It is a living prayer of gratitude, setting a sweet and gentle tone of peace, connection and belonging.

Holding space is a teacher, friend and lover. Holding space, like the divine mother rocking and swaying as she holds her beloved child in her arms, whispers, “Ahhhh. I see you. You are perfect. You are loved. You are worthy. You belong here.”

In the context of a group or communal dance setting, holding space is the art of the facilitator to support, inspire and allow the potential and safe-keeping of the whole and everything and everyone in it. It is the holding of a space of something most precious and fragile- the bonding of souls in flight. This kind of bonding, through pulse and beat, needs a special kind of holding which takes time to hone. It’s a holding of space which is mutually containing and liberating. It is a practice in letting go, of ‘getting out of the way’, and watching as a gentle witness, welcoming and making space for spirit to roam the room.

Holding space is a beautiful responsibility, an endless well, a womb, a wand, a wind. Holding space says, “Come, be free, play and rejoice with all of us here. You are important. Let’s co-create. Be the full spectrum of possibilities. Miracles do happen. This is your tribe. You can finally shine your light.”

The holding of space is a palpable embodiment of love. It holds the potential to be life changing, healing, transformative and culture-making. We, together in our dance, share the ability and power to wildly and devotedly melt into kindness. Let us remember our precious and inseparable connection with each other, nature, soul and spirit so we can practice holding space daily wherever we go, whatever we do, whoever we are with. That’s gotta be a good thing!

Erica Ross, is the Co-Creatrix, Director & Facilitator of Dance our Way Home in Toronto. She offers the wisdom of her life experience as a dancer, artist, group and workshop facilitator, certified hypnotherapist, life mentor, traveller and mother. She has been involved in the creative and healing arts for over 30 years.

Truth Mountain

By Jeff Brown

In the early years of my Soulshaping journey, I had a constant desire to be “in the moment.” I didn’t quite know what that meant, but I knew that there was some connection between my capacity to be fully present for the moment and my ultimate spiritual expansion. If I couldn’t be here, how could I possibly grow to the next place on my journey?

I looked for the moment everywhere. I hunted for it on the yoga mat, the meditation cushion, the Bioenergetic breathing stool. I sought it through detachment practices, depth-full adventures, emotional clearings, mantra and tantra. All Go(o)d but something was missing.

What was missing was truth. We often talk about living in the moment but it is my experience that we cannot live fully in the moment if we are not living in truth. Truth is the gateway to the moment. Without truth, our breaths are somehow incomplete, our presence shrouded, our intimacy half-hearted because we are not fully there for it. The moment we own our truths, we get truth-chills — little sighs of relief from our body temple — as the veils to clarity fall away and our divine presence enters. Here we are. Here now.

Of course, truth is a subjective experience. What is one person’s truth is another person’s falsity. For me, truth is that which reflects my own distinct soul-scriptures — those callings, lessons and archetypal pathways that live at the heart of my spiritual expansion. To the extent that I am honoring my scriptures, I am on my true-path and in the moment. When I bypass them, I am somewhere else entirely. For me, no spiritual practice is effective unless I am courageously honoring my path.

It took me a long time to realize that there were symptoms of my alienation from true-path. They included chronic illness, sleeplessness, self-distractive behavior, and perpetual dissatisfaction. I took to calling these symptoms “truth-aches” — nudging feelings of falsity, palpable longings for an authentic life. Although sometimes painful, and although embracing them may well force us to turn our habitual patterns upside down in order to effect change, truth aches actually contain the seeds of our transformation. When we repress them, truth decay sets in and the only thing that can save us is a truth canal. Sometimes we wait too long, and we lose our truth altogether.

My truth-aches were most evident in my emotional life. When I was repressing old hurts — anger, grief, shame — I felt disconnected from the moment. I would sit on the meditation cushion and feel nothing but agitation. My consciousness was still back there. In “Soulshaping,” I call this “the power of then” — the effect the past has on our present day awareness. Although the physical body travels forward chronologically, our emotional consciousness lingers at any point of departure. To come fully into the moment, we have to go back and deal with the wounds and memories that obstruct us. Not get lost in them, but own them and work them through to the lessons they contain. We have to be there then, before we can be here now. This week, I encourage you to contemplate your relationship to truth, particularly with regards to your personal relationships and your daily pursuits. What does “true-path” mean to you? Are you embodying your truths? Do you hear a nagging voice calling you in another direction, or do you have peace with path?

Lately I think of truth as a magnificent white-tipped Mountain. At its peak is a deeper and more inclusive experience of the moment. As we move through our lives, Truth Mountain comes in and out of view, calling out to us and reminding us of what is possible. The more truthful we are about our path, the higher our consciousness climbs. When our view is blocked, we know that we still have work to do in the valleys down below — traversing the foothills of illusion, sidestepping the quicksands of artifice, overcoming our fear of (interior) heights. But we will get to the peak, if we are willing to do the work, if we can be truthful with ourselves about the ways we avoid the truth.

Something magical happens when we excavate and honor our truth, however one chooses to define it. It doesn’t matter how much we achieve or how many things we master, if we are not walking our true-path. The moment we lie to ourselves, we leave the moment. The bridge across the river lie is ever-tempting — it still tempts me often — but there is nothing for us there. When we shed our cloaks of falsity and shamelessly embody our truths, the God Gate opens and our Essence steps on through. Truth is the gateway to the moment. Honest.

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of “Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation,” recently published by North Atlantic Books. Endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and Ram Dass, “Soulshaping” is Brown’s autobiography — an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path. You can connect with his work at www.soulshaping.com

Signs

By Aynsley Saxe

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, there is another layer to this world that you can’t see?

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe your rational mind has said to you, more than once, “not a chance”, “science rules”, “everything true must be proven”. I listened for a while to the banter of my logical mind. But I’m not convinced anymore. There have been too many signs, too many messages, too many strange coincidences in my life and random acts of synchronicity for me to believe that logic has all the answers. Or at least logic as most of it understand it.

The other day I was watching “Deal or No Deal” while on the treadmill at the gym. It’s completely mindless television (and there are a ridiculous amount of commercials) but I rationalize the indulgence by convincing myself that at least I’m doing something productive like burning calories while watching the show. It’s disheartening to admit: I’m a game show producer’s dream target audience. I get totally enraptured contemplating the contestant’s winning potential. Sometimes I even shout when someone’s won a lot of money or I’ll let out a big “Oooooooh!!!” if they’ve come close to winning and then bust. So far I haven’t been asked to quiet down at the gym but please don’t take me to Vegas.

Normally the show is a roller coaster ride of watching the contestant’s hopes sky rocket, drop, pick up pace and then plummet again, but the show I watched the other day was unique. A retired U.S. army official was on the platform with a chance to win $500,000. He said to the host, Howie Mandel, that he’d had a profound dream the other night. He had a dream that he was on the show. And in his dream he saw clearly the number 11.

Because of his dream, at the beginning of the show the contestant decided to switch his case (#19) for Case #11, believing that inside the case was $500,000, the most money you can win during the show. Near the end of the game there were three cases left to open and the $500,000 had not been disqualified. The contestant had the possibility of winning $1, $75,000 or $500,000. My pulse was racing – not just from the treadmill!

During the final minutes, the contestant renounced his case and settled on the offer to walk away happily with $136,000 in his pocket. Then Howie asked him to open his case. As his dream of the number 11 depicted, in his case was $500,000. With wide eyes we were all thinking what Howie said: “Dreams really do come true!”

At a wedding I went to a year ago the DJ played the wrong song for the bride, my friend, to walk down the aisle to. Her father had passed away a few years earlier and my friend had been feeling sad, wishing he was at the ceremony. When “Hey Jude” bellowed across the speakers, the bride was shocked and then started laughing. This was the same song that her father’s alarm clock played and she immediately felt comforted. No one, including the DJ, knew how that song ended up being the one he played but the bride remarked during her wedding speech that it truly “was no accident”.

Have you experienced signs? Have you experienced a coincidence that you could pass off as “just a coincidence” but somewhere in the back of your mind you feel like there might be more to the equation?

When I want an answer, help or guidance, I ask the universe for a sign. I’ve found that it’s best to be focused and clear about exactly what I want help with. If I’m paying attention, the answer usually comes quickly. But it never comes in a way I expect and usually it comes when I least expect it. Sometimes a song comes on the radio, or someone will say something that hits me in an unexpected way. At times I’ll be drawn to picking a book off a shelf or I’ll receive a significant email. Always, the answer comes in a way that is loving and helpful.

The world is talking to you on levels you can hear. Enjoy the signs! Enjoy the messages! Ask. Listen. Receive.

Processes for Reflection:

What do you want help with? Do you have a decision to make? Would you like extra guidance in a certain area of your life? Write down a clear question that you would sincerely like answered. State your request out loud and intend that you receive an answer from the universe (you don’t have to be around anyone).

Watch for signs. Be aware that the universe will be attempting to get your attention. Follow your hunches (you may be compelled to read a book, stand in a certain line up at the grocery store, etc.).

Listen. Receive. Don’t discount the message even if you think it’s just your imagination. Repeat as often as you like!

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.

You & Prince Swagger: Outsmarting the Bad Guys…

By Kirti Holmes

When tireless lothario Jude Law recently declared that “women like bad boys…..being a good boy never worked for me,” I was reminded of my friend Jennie,* who a few months ago dumped her sensitive and romantic boyfriend in a microsecond, for someone who made a locker room of jocks look like a bunch of choir boys in comparison. Jennie’s fling lasted a grand total of three months but what a time it was, skipping out on obligations and routines for spur of the moment rendezvous and trysts at any time of the day or night, at places she had never before frequented. Life suddenly seemed more like an adventure playground instead of bland events and tasks.

This desire for newness in life is just one of the reasons why some women find themselves caught up in a whirlwind with an exciting, arrogant man who just doesn’t give a damn as he zealously pursues his own interests in life. The fact is, however, that relying on someone else to bring change, excitement, purpose or challenge to your life is not going to be as lasting and joyful as creating those things for yourself.

The following are the top four traits of a typical bad-guy (discovered in my counselling practice) and what your attraction to a Casanova can reveal about you:

* Excitement: Confident and cavalier, bad-guys appear to live life to the fullest, pursuing pleasure and adventure, ignoring rules and regulations.

What you may really be seeking is simply a break from routine. When tired and stressed, we tend to be more vulnerable to superficial diversions that seem to promise immediate excitement. Try creating more balance in your life; boredom and stress are symptoms of imbalance. Start now to pursue the dream that has been on the backburner for too long. Find out what inspires you, and then identify the steps to achieve them.

* Chosen one: Bad-guys have liaisons galore, and so they can take you or leave you. So you tell yourself that if he decides to take you, it must be because he recognizes something special in you, something uniquely attractive. Lord Byron, the famous eighteenth century poet, was a global cad and yet created the most romantic poetry ever written. But most bad guys are unromantic souls, and not interested in confirming your true worth.

Become fully aware of your own self-worth, in its entirety. This positive personal inventory takes effort at first for many women, but the moment will arrive when it becomes your effortless modus operandi.

* Haunting Mystery: When married German heiress Susanne Klatten met a cosmopolitan James Bond type whilst on vacation, she succumbed because his apparent sadness “stirred a feeling in me that we had something in common.” Unfortunately, he turned out to be a conning gigolo, more mercenary than melancholy.

Perhaps what you are seeking is an outlet for your nurturing side, or a sense of kinship for your own sadness – or both, as in Susanne’s case. About one in every four women experiences depression or anxiety at some time. Stay aware of how you are feeling and how your behaviour is being influenced by those emotions. Seek professional support when you need it. Make self-nurture one of your life-long priorities.

* Rebellious: Bringing the bad-guy home to meet the family would be like introducing them to Hugh Hefner. Lingering resentments from childhood can prompt such acts of defiance. Another reaction to family dysfunction is the constant seeking of approval and affirmation. Almost all behaviours have their roots in childhood, and resolving them can take time. Be patient and accepting of yourself. Keep in mind that resentments are burdens that weigh us down, so travel lightly and you will get much further.

Of course, there are many types of people that can be a challenge in our lives. When we hand power over our happiness to someone else, it is impossible to feel whole and authentic. Our inner compass will keep spinning, trying to point us back to a true sense of self-worth, which is always the starting point of all positive changes in life.

* Name changed

Kirti Holmes is a counsellor based in Toronto & Oakville. She can be reached at (416)605-5931 or info@kirtiholmes.com. Visit her website at www.kirtiholmes.com

Growers Are Inchworms

By Jeff Brown

I am often contacted by people who beat themselves up because they have not progressed on their spiritual journeys as quickly as they hoped. They are frustrated by their inability to embody their highest vision for themselves after only a few years, or even months, of determined effort. Quick fix, long suffering. Collapse

This week I invite you to be patient with your path. The personal journey I wrote about in “Soulshaping” took me six years to write and 45 years to live. From the moment I began my first wave of psychotherapy until now is nearly 20 years. And, still, at the end of all that genuine effort, the trails of transformation are no easy saunter. I still have a workaholic tendency, and a deep abandonment wound that arises when least expected.

This inspiration is a call to patience. Not the kind of patience that keeps us asleep (there are times when we need a karmic kick in the behind), but the kind that is compassionate and that sees our efforts to expand in a broader context. When my Grandfather would see me fail, he would see me with Grandpa eyes.

He would tell me that he loved me and remind me that those things I was attempting were not even imaginable when he was young. He recognized how extraordinary it was that I was considering a quest for my “true-path,” only decades after he would have taken ANY path that paid the bills. This was a valuable teaching, and served me often when I developed inhuman expectations for myself. He taught me the meaning of context.

I invite us to honor our bravery. Given that most of the world is still vibrating around survivalism, the simple fact that we have formed the intention to transform our consciousness is already courageous. When we actually make a leap of faith and set out for soulful waters, we have truly embarked on a heroic journey.

At the same time, let’s not expect too much, too fast. However eager we may be, we will invariably turn back to familiar harbors to ground and protect ourselves. The fall back to our habitual range of emotion is a natural part of the journey home. Like turtles, we stick our heads out until it becomes uncomfortable and then retreat to the safety and familiarity of our shells. The time we spend under the shell can be just what we need to weave new experiences into our usual ways of being. So long as we persist in sticking our heads back out a little further each time, we continue to grow. Three steps forward, two steps back is still progress…

And we must also remember that REAL change simply takes time. Growers are inchworms. Lasting transformation is an incremental process, one “soulstep” at a time. We can have all the peak experiences we want but the real work happens between the peaks, while laying down and integrating on the valley floor. This may frustrate us, but it is the only way to craft an awareness that is authentic and sustainable. Divine perspiration…

I remember a beautiful moment with my Grandmother before she died. She had often resisted my need to look at the past and deal with family baggage. It probably brought up her own unresolved memories. She often told me that I was involved in the therapeutic process for too long — “Get on with it, Jeffrey.” But, one day, she looked me in the eyes and said “You weren’t just doing this for you, Jeffrey. You were also doing it for me. I couldn’t look at these things in the world I lived in. You’re healing my pain, too.” And that said it all. Every step I took beyond the defenses and parameters of her world actually took my whole soulpod to the next level. All the more reason to take it slow. All the more reason to get it right.

The very fact that we are trying to heal our hearts in a world where so many have had to bury their hurt is already extraordinary. It may not seem like such a big deal, but when the energy has been moving in another direction for so many generations, it is quite a challenge to turn the tide. We are breaking new inner ground, after all. Recognizing this should translate into giving ourselves a break when we can’t quite get it perfect. So let’s see ourselves through Grandpa eyes, and breathe…

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of “Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation,” recently published by North Atlantic Books. Endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and Ram Dass, “Soulshaping” is Brown’s autobiography — an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path. You can connect with his work at www.soulshaping.com

Freedom

I just gobbled up a gripping novel called Shantaram. It was written by Gregory David Roberts, a convicted Australian bank robber who escaped from a maximum security penitentiary over the front wall. In his opening paragraph he writes:

“It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn’t sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it’s all you’ve got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life.”

Roberts’ choice, and the fact that he recognized that choice, really hit me. If he could feel free while chained to a wall and being tortured, why can’t we (and I’m definitely including myself in this one) feel free in everyday (sans-torture!) daily life?

I know I’m human. That’s for sure. Like many people, I’m chained to the weight of responsibilities and self-imposed expectations (financial, relational, emotional, familial, social, cultural, you-get-the-pointal). Feeling trapped is life-draining. Compared to sweet freedom it tastes bitter and putrid. However there are ways to sweeten the deal. I believe that each of us, no matter where we are standing or what we are sipping, can stir more freedom into our lives.

As Roberts’ epiphany declares, the heart of freedom comes down to choice. Each of us has a multitude of choices to make in our daily lives. We may not feel like we have big life-changing options 24-hours a day, like changing jobs or switching houses. But the deeper choices, the inner choices, the ones that really count, and the ones that we take with us wherever we go, are ours, always. For Roberts it was the choice between hating and forgiving his torturers. What inner choices are yours to make today?

Personally I think the trick is to be wide awake. Come on. Rise and shine. Let me see the whites of your eyes. Can you be conscience of the choice you are making?

Making choices isn’t always easy. I can say truthfully that I’ve resented when people have tried to show me a way out of my self-imposed prison. If I’m told by well meaning friends that I have a choice to feel better if I’m feeling lousy I really resent the voice telling me that! Some days I’m just not interested in hearing solutions. This is a choice. Some days I’m more content with my choice to endure pain or anger than to see any options. Sometimes it’s easier to stay in prison than to do the dirty work of forgiveness or releasing my anger to get out of jail free.

Life is not always sugar coated and sometimes the choices that are good for us are hard and not always easy to see. I like to try to make my choices based on the idea of relief. Does it feel better to listen or to speak? Does it feel better to run or stay? Does it feel better to forgive or get angry? You’re allowed to be both forgiving and angry. Your real authentic choices, the ones that will lead you out of the internal prison, come from the wisdom of your inner being rather than what your rational, moral mind thinks is obvious. Try to make your choice not because of what you’re afraid of, but based on the option that will be better for you in the long run, truly, madly, deeply. You do know what is best for you. Make your choice based on your highest opinion of yourself. Be conscious of your choice in the moment. If you don’t like the choice you’ve made, make another.

I hate telling you this (and don’t tell my family) but sometimes I relish my bad moods. I know it sounds crazy. I used to get really annoyed with myself for being in a stormy state but now, when I’m conscious of a dark cloud hanging overhead, I say to myself: “Ayns, you’re in a really bad mood right now and you’re totally allowed to be in this for as long as you like. I accept you for where you are right now. Go to it sister!” In the moment that I recognize the choice I find relief. I choose to accept myself where I am which feels like a tiny bit of sweet freedom compared to resisting my bad mood and being chained to it unwillingly.

In recognizing our choices we find where the heart of where freedom lives. We don’t have to change jobs, win a million dollars or travel the world to feel free. Remember that saying “Wherever you go, there are you.” All of our internal baggage (and sometimes it’s not just a carry-on bag folks) comes with us even if we win the jackpot and pack our bags for a world tour. Every single part of us moves forward to share any external environment, financial bracket, relationship, job or country we place ourselves in. There’s no running away. Sure we can distract ourselves, but that only sustains us for so long. That’s why it’s so important to look at our inner choices, the choices that will strengthen and lighten our daily lives.

The beauty of this journey through time and space is that we always get to make new choices. If you have the desire to recognize that you have choices to make you will experience freedom. Rise and shine my friend. Be wide awake. Then be wider awake. Ask for the choices to become obvious to you and they will. Sip on them and stir. Sweet freedom is a life Booster Juice.

Processes for reflection:

What choices are you making right now? Become conscious of them. Write down ten. Don’t worry about whether they are inner (emotional) or outer-life choices. Just write down whatever comes into your head. Be honest. These choices don’t have to be ones you’re proud of. They are what they are. Don’t be afraid of the pen and paper.

Look at the choices you’ve written down. Which one are you willing to look at more closely today? It should be one of your choices that you would like to change at this time.

Ask yourself where this choice has come from. Look at the history of the choice. Notice any patterns or fears. Write them all down. Keep writing until you’ve centred your heart and mind on this choice. Ask yourself now what choice you would rather make. This choice may bring you relief. This choice may feel like it will bring you more energy. Write down all the benefits you can think of for making this choice. Write down any fears you may have about making this choice. Allow yourself to imagine how it would feel to make this choice. If it feels right, follow your heart’s guidance toward any action steps you should take into this new choice.

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.

in praise of women: magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

I often hear “women are our own worst enemies” in terms of our culture. I’m tired of that argument. I think everyone is their own worst enemy, and I don’t think it’s about something women have specifically against each other.

The uh, broadness, of my experience with the women throughout my life leaves me humble, optimistic, proud, and grateful. I’ve been screwed over by females in business and love, and I’ve planted a few landmines myself. But those enemy-making times were the results of bumbling, struggling humanness, not ovaries or hormones. We could argue the bio-instincts to procreate, protect and feed that spurs some nasty behavior from chicks, or about Queen Bees and Wanna-Bees — all very real social dynamics, but I’m here to give witness to the force of pure Goddess positivity that is the hallmark of my life. Word.

MY LIVED EXPERIENCE IS THAT WOMEN SIMPLY ADORE WOMEN:

: Women shake their cosmic pom poms. Go sister go! How many times has a girlfriend told you, that you got it going on, before your head out the door or the dressing room? That even though your new haircut makes you look like a mushroom, your ass looks grrreat. They’ll be looking at your ass all night, not your hair. Really, you’re hot. Just keep your hat on and don’t sit down. Go get ‘em.

: A woman makes a cup of her heart. She carries your concerns and fears with you, for you. When your eyes fill up with teary news, so do hers. It happens with women you’ve known for years, with women you just met at the grocery store, in the ladies room, in a prayer circle. She carries your story with her. She mixes honey with it and re-tells it to you and helps you notice how great you’re doing, in spite of everything, because of everything.

: Women bear their fangs for you. Like when Tammy threatened to butt her cigarette out between buddy’s eyebrows if he didn’t leave us alone. He walked, we rocked.

: Women feed each other – literally and figuratively. Think of all the meetings or retreats you’ve been to. Who brings the cocoa and sparkling water? Who remembers that you’re lactose intolerant? Who asks you if you have everything you need?

: A woman will sacrifice without calling it a sacrifice. Leila was three months pregnant. I was moving cross-country (again.) Road trip anyone? We U-hauled our way from Seattle to Santa Fe with Leila coughing her cookies at every truck stop. I made it to my desert home and she flew back to the coast. And named her little girl Phoebe Danielle.

: Women hold on. It’s like Audrey Hepburn said, “Never throw anyone out.” It’s like my soul sister Donna says, “We’re all bozos on the same bus so just go with it.” Meep meep.

: Women bypass history. A good sister listens to you bitch about the same jerk for years, she helps you pack when you’re smart enough to leave, and she stands by you when you repeat the same lesson with the next emotionally lame lover. She loves you enough to let you do it your way – again, and again, like it was the first time. No drama is too big for big women.

: A woman howls to help you remember what matters the most. She loves you enough to intervene. She will drag you out of your comfort zone and into the moonlight to say “What the fuck are you doing? You may have temporarily forgotten who you are, but I haven’t and I’m hear to remind you.” Like when Karen told me over green tea, “D, maybe it’s all about the divine feminine for you, maybe that’s the question to live. It’s time to move on from playing small.” Arooooo!

: Women touch you. Michelle and I went to visit a friend in the hospital recovering from surgery. Miche brought lavender lotion and massaged Friend’s feet while she lay achy and groggy. I’ll never forget that stunning moment of loving service.

: Women push. Push babies out, push babies into the world. Baby ideas. Baby thought forms. Baby parts of you. “But Danielle, it’s just a thought-form that you ‘can’t take more,’” Navjit told me. “Don’t constrict. Expand.” Boundaries, pushed.

: Women know how to navigate the layers because they love the layers. Folds of skin, the sediments of time, the stories that build into the present. Like how Candis not only remembers what I love but knows why I love it. She is reverent, keen, actively interested in the why of me – and that is what it means to be witnessed by a woman. Word.

Danielle LaPorte is the creator of www.whitehottruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality & business” and lead author of Style Statement: Live By Your Own Design. She is the former Director of a think tank for futures studies, ran her own communications agency to promote Nobel Prize winners and a few old pop stars, and now works one-on-one with her signature Fire Starter sessions to help entrepreneurs rock their careers and creativity. Featured in Elle, Body + Soul, Vogue Australia, Better Homes & Gardens, Globe & Mail, The National Post and Entertainment Tonight, Danielle is based in Vancouver BC.

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