Freedom

I just gobbled up a gripping novel called Shantaram. It was written by Gregory David Roberts, a convicted Australian bank robber who escaped from a maximum security penitentiary over the front wall. In his opening paragraph he writes:

“It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn’t sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it’s all you’ve got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life.”

Roberts’ choice, and the fact that he recognized that choice, really hit me. If he could feel free while chained to a wall and being tortured, why can’t we (and I’m definitely including myself in this one) feel free in everyday (sans-torture!) daily life?

I know I’m human. That’s for sure. Like many people, I’m chained to the weight of responsibilities and self-imposed expectations (financial, relational, emotional, familial, social, cultural, you-get-the-pointal). Feeling trapped is life-draining. Compared to sweet freedom it tastes bitter and putrid. However there are ways to sweeten the deal. I believe that each of us, no matter where we are standing or what we are sipping, can stir more freedom into our lives.

As Roberts’ epiphany declares, the heart of freedom comes down to choice. Each of us has a multitude of choices to make in our daily lives. We may not feel like we have big life-changing options 24-hours a day, like changing jobs or switching houses. But the deeper choices, the inner choices, the ones that really count, and the ones that we take with us wherever we go, are ours, always. For Roberts it was the choice between hating and forgiving his torturers. What inner choices are yours to make today?

Personally I think the trick is to be wide awake. Come on. Rise and shine. Let me see the whites of your eyes. Can you be conscience of the choice you are making?

Making choices isn’t always easy. I can say truthfully that I’ve resented when people have tried to show me a way out of my self-imposed prison. If I’m told by well meaning friends that I have a choice to feel better if I’m feeling lousy I really resent the voice telling me that! Some days I’m just not interested in hearing solutions. This is a choice. Some days I’m more content with my choice to endure pain or anger than to see any options. Sometimes it’s easier to stay in prison than to do the dirty work of forgiveness or releasing my anger to get out of jail free.

Life is not always sugar coated and sometimes the choices that are good for us are hard and not always easy to see. I like to try to make my choices based on the idea of relief. Does it feel better to listen or to speak? Does it feel better to run or stay? Does it feel better to forgive or get angry? You’re allowed to be both forgiving and angry. Your real authentic choices, the ones that will lead you out of the internal prison, come from the wisdom of your inner being rather than what your rational, moral mind thinks is obvious. Try to make your choice not because of what you’re afraid of, but based on the option that will be better for you in the long run, truly, madly, deeply. You do know what is best for you. Make your choice based on your highest opinion of yourself. Be conscious of your choice in the moment. If you don’t like the choice you’ve made, make another.

I hate telling you this (and don’t tell my family) but sometimes I relish my bad moods. I know it sounds crazy. I used to get really annoyed with myself for being in a stormy state but now, when I’m conscious of a dark cloud hanging overhead, I say to myself: “Ayns, you’re in a really bad mood right now and you’re totally allowed to be in this for as long as you like. I accept you for where you are right now. Go to it sister!” In the moment that I recognize the choice I find relief. I choose to accept myself where I am which feels like a tiny bit of sweet freedom compared to resisting my bad mood and being chained to it unwillingly.

In recognizing our choices we find where the heart of where freedom lives. We don’t have to change jobs, win a million dollars or travel the world to feel free. Remember that saying “Wherever you go, there are you.” All of our internal baggage (and sometimes it’s not just a carry-on bag folks) comes with us even if we win the jackpot and pack our bags for a world tour. Every single part of us moves forward to share any external environment, financial bracket, relationship, job or country we place ourselves in. There’s no running away. Sure we can distract ourselves, but that only sustains us for so long. That’s why it’s so important to look at our inner choices, the choices that will strengthen and lighten our daily lives.

The beauty of this journey through time and space is that we always get to make new choices. If you have the desire to recognize that you have choices to make you will experience freedom. Rise and shine my friend. Be wide awake. Then be wider awake. Ask for the choices to become obvious to you and they will. Sip on them and stir. Sweet freedom is a life Booster Juice.

Processes for reflection:

What choices are you making right now? Become conscious of them. Write down ten. Don’t worry about whether they are inner (emotional) or outer-life choices. Just write down whatever comes into your head. Be honest. These choices don’t have to be ones you’re proud of. They are what they are. Don’t be afraid of the pen and paper.

Look at the choices you’ve written down. Which one are you willing to look at more closely today? It should be one of your choices that you would like to change at this time.

Ask yourself where this choice has come from. Look at the history of the choice. Notice any patterns or fears. Write them all down. Keep writing until you’ve centred your heart and mind on this choice. Ask yourself now what choice you would rather make. This choice may bring you relief. This choice may feel like it will bring you more energy. Write down all the benefits you can think of for making this choice. Write down any fears you may have about making this choice. Allow yourself to imagine how it would feel to make this choice. If it feels right, follow your heart’s guidance toward any action steps you should take into this new choice.

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.