Love me tender

Why is it that so many positive fabulous beautiful successful women who seem to have it all, struggle and often fall when it comes to romantic relationships?

ok let me start off by saying that I’m no expert on relationships, although I certainly have had my share of them over the years. I have been married, I’ve been in a few relationships since the end of my marriage; both serious and casual. And after spending my entire adult life either in a relationship, looking for one or recovering from one, I reached a point in my life a couple of years ago where I knew I had to stop. I decided that I was enough, had enough and that I didn’t need a man to complete me or even enhance my life. That choice created an amazing space in my life that has allowed me to take on all sorts of new endeavors and has given me access to live my life from a true place of power and freedom.

I have some great friends, family and of course my children. I have created a business that I love. I feel connected and fulfilled. I live my life with passion and zest. My cup is oh-so-full. And yes I have learned to spend fun quality time alone. I truly enjoy my own company and am not scared to spend a Saturday night by myself. Oh the freedom! I’m often asked if I’m at least open to a relationship, and for now the answer is no. I’m simply not interested in relationships right now. And likely for the next few years of my life. Forever is a really long time, so I won’t go there. This wonderful feeling is just too good to give up. I know that for me, relationships can shift my priorities and cause me endless mental distraction that get in the way of living my life with presence and peace.

ok so I recognize that I’ve taken a radical position and I’m not suggesting that all women follow suit, but I do wish more would stop and really straight with themselves — to approach the pursuit of a partner from a place of want rather than need, to really believe that they are whole, perfect and complete. Not just say those words but feel it in your bones and take consistent actions. Instead many of us continue to make excuses for guys, to wait for calls/emails that never come (or come late), especially after you’ve been physically intimate, to feel that knot in your stomach when you realize that this person is not as much into you as you are into him, to be completely in love with someone and not know how they feel about you, to hear that they’re not ready for commitment when you’re already making wedding plans in your head, to be seeking that deep emotional connection that never comes. You know what I’m talking about, so feel free to add to the list.

Statistics tell us that most marriages don’t last — and of those that do many are not exactly “happy”? And then there’s infidelity, emotional & physical abuse and all of that. So why do we continue to search for love even when it hurts? Why is it that so many of us who won’t take crap from friends, family and colleagues, are content settling for mediocre treatment from the men we date? Why do we continue to settle for less than we know we deserve? Why do we justify & tolerate unacceptable behaviour in the name of love? Why do we get caught up in waiting games? Hmm is it because we live in a society that views single women as incomplete? is it low self-worth and the fear of being alone and lonely? perhaps the powerful romantic images of happily-ever-after and soul-mates just too hard to resist? are we simply wired that way?

Your thoughts?