Comments on: Love me tender http://www.positivefabulouswomen.com/love-me-tender/ Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:34:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 By: Patricia Shields http://www.positivefabulouswomen.com/love-me-tender/comment-page-1/#comment-40 Patricia Shields Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:54:39 +0000 http://www.positivefabulouswomen.com/?p=1633#comment-40 Aloha Katia. Thank you for sharing your life's experience with us. You're absolutely correct (and we do need reminding) about the importance of approaching a relationship from a point of want and not need. Once we're needy, the other person is as good as gone and we're feeling like crap again. I am in a huge transition right now, trying to figure out what kind of work I want to do and finding a place to live. I would also like to find a relationship - someone just to hang out with for starters. I don't want to get married either. My problem is that I haven't dated in years, partly because I didn't want to and partly because I haven't had time so I haven't met anyone. Doesn't the wealth of our past experiences help us better attract what we want instead of what we don't want? Aloha Katia. Thank you for sharing your life’s experience with us. You’re absolutely correct (and we do need reminding) about the importance of approaching a relationship from a point of want and not need. Once we’re needy, the other person is as good as gone and we’re feeling like crap again. I am in a huge transition right now, trying to figure out what kind of work I want to do and finding a place to live. I would also like to find a relationship – someone just to hang out with for starters. I don’t want to get married either. My problem is that I haven’t dated in years, partly because I didn’t want to and partly because I haven’t had time so I haven’t met anyone. Doesn’t the wealth of our past experiences help us better attract what we want instead of what we don’t want?

]]> By: EJ http://www.positivefabulouswomen.com/love-me-tender/comment-page-1/#comment-38 EJ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:30:26 +0000 http://www.positivefabulouswomen.com/?p=1633#comment-38 Hi Katia! I don't find your stance radical at all. I applaud it. I think we should teach our young girls to pursue that feeling that you've found: you're fine, better than fine, without a relationship. You don't need a man to make you 'okay'. I do think that there is more than socialization going on, in our drive to find a mate. Being in a committed loving relationship does generally provide a solid base to let us do what we want - two incomes coming in means more options and security, someone to listen and support us after a bad day can keep us going. Being with someone means you can stop looking, and start thinking about something else! And of course there's the biological urge to reproduce - as a 32-year old single woman, I can personally attest! But - as nice as it is to have a loving relationship with a great man - I have learned that it's not required to be happy. There's a lot of richness, too, in having the bed to yourself, going wherever you want on vacation, visiting young cousins and friends' babies and being 'auntie', reading a book til 2 am just because you feel like it, or working late exactly as you please, hosting dinner parties with just your girlfriends... that's a really good life too! So, personally, I am still opening to finding my life partner and hopefully that I can find him in time to raise a family together and all that, but I am okay with it if that doesn't happen. I'm open and excited for what life has to offer me, and I am at peace. I don't consider that I have 'failed' at romance or relationships, I just think that the relationships I had weren't meant to occupy a significant role in my life. They were part of the plot in the movie of my life - but I am the star... and the writer... and the director... and I can do whatever I want, whatever I can dream up! Thanks for the empowering message. Hi Katia! I don’t find your stance radical at all. I applaud it. I think we should teach our young girls to pursue that feeling that you’ve found: you’re fine, better than fine, without a relationship. You don’t need a man to make you ‘okay’.

I do think that there is more than socialization going on, in our drive to find a mate. Being in a committed loving relationship does generally provide a solid base to let us do what we want – two incomes coming in means more options and security, someone to listen and support us after a bad day can keep us going. Being with someone means you can stop looking, and start thinking about something else! And of course there’s the biological urge to reproduce – as a 32-year old single woman, I can personally attest!

But – as nice as it is to have a loving relationship with a great man – I have learned that it’s not required to be happy. There’s a lot of richness, too, in having the bed to yourself, going wherever you want on vacation, visiting young cousins and friends’ babies and being ‘auntie’, reading a book til 2 am just because you feel like it, or working late exactly as you please, hosting dinner parties with just your girlfriends… that’s a really good life too!

So, personally, I am still opening to finding my life partner and hopefully that I can find him in time to raise a family together and all that, but I am okay with it if that doesn’t happen. I’m open and excited for what life has to offer me, and I am at peace. I don’t consider that I have ‘failed’ at romance or relationships, I just think that the relationships I had weren’t meant to occupy a significant role in my life. They were part of the plot in the movie of my life – but I am the star… and the writer… and the director… and I can do whatever I want, whatever I can dream up!

Thanks for the empowering message.

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