Befriending Confusion

By Jeff Brown

Moving forward often demands that we live lost, knowingly surrendering our attachment to who we think we are, voluntarily stumbling around in the dark with little to guide us. Growing is all about leaps into the seeming unknown.

If there was one skill that I could not have done without on my spiritual journey, it was my learned capacity to befriend my confusion. As old ways of being died off, new ways of being invariably came to life. Before the transition was complete, there was a time, often a long time, when all of these parts were pressing up against me at the same time. In “Soulshaping,” I refer to this in-between phase as a “spiritual emergingcy” — a state of confusion and inner tumult that arises when a new pathway is forcing its way into consciousness, prior to its full emergence and integration. The bridge from one side to the other is confusion. You have to learn how to hold the space for all of your parts and befriend your confusion, until clarity emerges on its own terms.

Unfortunately, befriending our confusion is difficult to hold to in a linear world. Those that walk the path of uncertainty are frequently characterized as flakes, drifters, and, ironically, lost souls. Nowhere in society are we taught to distinguish aimless from growth-full confusion, madness from truth aches, nervous breakdowns from nervous breakthroughs, habitual crisis from spiritual emergingcies. Confusion is sadly stigmatized as the mark of the “loser” without regard for the fact that one cannot come to know anything without first surrendering to the not knowing.

Our state of confusion often arises in the context of careers and relationships: Why do I hate my job? What are my callings? How do I really feel about this relationship? We develop a truth ache- a sense of internal dissonance about our path, a crying out for another direction.

Sadly, when we begin questioning our choices, resistant voices often float to the surface — voices of habit and fear, internalized judgments, well-entrenched defenses. Although progress has been made on many levels, most of us are still making our primary choices as to path through a survivalist lens, with a vigilant eye to what is most practical, safe and materially satisfying.

When we step out of this framework, when we make a move toward a more soulful idea of success, we open the door to confusion, at least at first. The voices of the world arise within us in an effort to sweep away the whispers of a deeper truth. The desire to quit our unfulfilling job and find our callings is met with neurotic images of poverty. The longing to find a genuine soul-mate is overwhelmed with images of eternal aloneness. We are then confronted with a choice — turn back to familiar harbors, or let the inner battle wage on. Play it safe, or see it through…

If we don’t see it through, we risk all manner of difficulty. What ultimately holds us back is our resistance to bringing our truth ache into consciousness. Although sometimes painful, although it may well force us to turn our habitual patterns upside down, the truth-ache contains the seeds of our transformation. When we repress it, truth decay sets in, and the only thing that can save us is a truth canal. Sometimes we wait too long, and we lose our truth altogether.

Seeing it through is no easy feat. You will need support. You will need to work hard to identify the voices that are attempting to obstruct your transition. They will come in many difficult and credible forms, often disguised as your friends. You will have to patiently expand your capacity to sit in the “not knowing” in ways that nobody ever taught you. And you may even have to hold to a state that feels a little mad now and then, as different aspects of your inner world come into conflict.

But if you can see it all the way through, you will be rewarded. You will know a measure of soul-satisfaction that you will never know on a false path. You will see through different eyes and feel at peace in your soul-skin. You will not have to ask the universe for what you need because the door to humanifestation will open wide as the universe rewards you for your courage. You will know a remarkably enriched reality.

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of “Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation,” recently published by North Atlantic Books. Endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and Ram Dass , “Soulshaping” is Brown’s autobiography — an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path. You can connect with his work at www.soulshaping.com

SELF-TRANSFORMATION FROM A-Z: Workshop Series (Starting Apr 11)

Are you interested in having some fun, while cultivating clarity, mindfulness, and a deeper sense of personal integrity?

In this four-week workshop series led by Stephen D’Amico (spiritual teacher, founder of the Global Awakening Initiative and good friend of mine), we focus on cultivating the core qualities that are essential for personal transformation.

Using a combination of traditional spiritual techniques, lively discussion, and a method called Inquiry, these tools will allow us to understand ourselves better so that we can engage life fully and connect with others more consciously.

To promote sustained change and receive ongoing support as new insights emerge, we will also practice exercises between meetings and discuss our progress/reflections online.

Stephen D’Amico is not aligned with any particular religion, belief system, or spiritual path, though his teachings are in alignment with the universal truths and messages found at the heart of every wisdom tradition. At the core of this perennial philosophy is the importance of assisting the next evolutionary shift into global consciousness, a collective state of enlightenment that will usher in a completely new way of life for humanity.

DATES: Sundays, April 11, 18, and 25, and May 2

TIME: 7–9 p.m.

LOCATION: 6 St. Joseph St., Toronto (one block north of Yonge/Wellesley)

COST: $10/class. To get the most out of this learning series, register for all 4 workshops before April 11 and receive $10 off the total cost of the series (so, $30 instead of $40).

Learn more and register at http://www.stephendamico.com/events.ph

Signs

By Aynsley Saxe

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, there is another layer to this world that you can’t see?

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe your rational mind has said to you, more than once, “not a chance”, “science rules”, “everything true must be proven”. I listened for a while to the banter of my logical mind. But I’m not convinced anymore. There have been too many signs, too many messages, too many strange coincidences in my life and random acts of synchronicity for me to believe that logic has all the answers. Or at least logic as most of it understand it.

The other day I was watching “Deal or No Deal” while on the treadmill at the gym. It’s completely mindless television (and there are a ridiculous amount of commercials) but I rationalize the indulgence by convincing myself that at least I’m doing something productive like burning calories while watching the show. It’s disheartening to admit: I’m a game show producer’s dream target audience. I get totally enraptured contemplating the contestant’s winning potential. Sometimes I even shout when someone’s won a lot of money or I’ll let out a big “Oooooooh!!!” if they’ve come close to winning and then bust. So far I haven’t been asked to quiet down at the gym but please don’t take me to Vegas.

Normally the show is a roller coaster ride of watching the contestant’s hopes sky rocket, drop, pick up pace and then plummet again, but the show I watched the other day was unique. A retired U.S. army official was on the platform with a chance to win $500,000. He said to the host, Howie Mandel, that he’d had a profound dream the other night. He had a dream that he was on the show. And in his dream he saw clearly the number 11.

Because of his dream, at the beginning of the show the contestant decided to switch his case (#19) for Case #11, believing that inside the case was $500,000, the most money you can win during the show. Near the end of the game there were three cases left to open and the $500,000 had not been disqualified. The contestant had the possibility of winning $1, $75,000 or $500,000. My pulse was racing – not just from the treadmill!

During the final minutes, the contestant renounced his case and settled on the offer to walk away happily with $136,000 in his pocket. Then Howie asked him to open his case. As his dream of the number 11 depicted, in his case was $500,000. With wide eyes we were all thinking what Howie said: “Dreams really do come true!”

At a wedding I went to a year ago the DJ played the wrong song for the bride, my friend, to walk down the aisle to. Her father had passed away a few years earlier and my friend had been feeling sad, wishing he was at the ceremony. When “Hey Jude” bellowed across the speakers, the bride was shocked and then started laughing. This was the same song that her father’s alarm clock played and she immediately felt comforted. No one, including the DJ, knew how that song ended up being the one he played but the bride remarked during her wedding speech that it truly “was no accident”.

Have you experienced signs? Have you experienced a coincidence that you could pass off as “just a coincidence” but somewhere in the back of your mind you feel like there might be more to the equation?

When I want an answer, help or guidance, I ask the universe for a sign. I’ve found that it’s best to be focused and clear about exactly what I want help with. If I’m paying attention, the answer usually comes quickly. But it never comes in a way I expect and usually it comes when I least expect it. Sometimes a song comes on the radio, or someone will say something that hits me in an unexpected way. At times I’ll be drawn to picking a book off a shelf or I’ll receive a significant email. Always, the answer comes in a way that is loving and helpful.

The world is talking to you on levels you can hear. Enjoy the signs! Enjoy the messages! Ask. Listen. Receive.

Processes for Reflection:

What do you want help with? Do you have a decision to make? Would you like extra guidance in a certain area of your life? Write down a clear question that you would sincerely like answered. State your request out loud and intend that you receive an answer from the universe (you don’t have to be around anyone).

Watch for signs. Be aware that the universe will be attempting to get your attention. Follow your hunches (you may be compelled to read a book, stand in a certain line up at the grocery store, etc.).

Listen. Receive. Don’t discount the message even if you think it’s just your imagination. Repeat as often as you like!

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.

Release

I leaned against a very large tree the other day. I molded my entire back into its skin. I connected with its bark (not bite) and felt its deep, unwavering stability. It supported me fully and easily. It was a really good feeling.

This time of year the leaves are letting go. Their beautiful colours float downward and rest in the earth. Nature teaches us that releasing control is natural. So why do I (and maybe you?) find letting go tricky?

Do you ever attempt to control situations? Have you ever thought this: “If it’s not done by me it won’t be done right”? What about the things you really care about? What about the circumstances where you would be devastated if they didn’t work out the way you preferred?

Right before leaning against that big old tree, I was in a controlling mood. I was knee-deep in projects that I was trying to stay on top of. I was sinking fast while trying to figure out how to do everything quickly and immaculately well. I wanted 100% control over every aspect of the projects including the process and people involved with them. I had a bone in my teeth that I wouldn’t let go of. It was all because of her: my inner drill sergeant.

Luckily for the people in my life my inner drill sergeant doesn’t often bother others (except those closest to me). Usually she just harasses me: “What do you mean you want a nap Aynsley?? You have stuff to do! Now get back to work!” When my inner drill sergeant calls the shots she’s really tough to be around. I can’t say I like this woman.

The quickest way out is always through, so I took a walk and ended up beside a magnificent tree. I leaned against it and started to listen (not to her). I listened to the sky and to my inner self. I breathed in the autumn air and heard that I was scared. I heard that my tendency toward trying to control situations (projects, events, meetings, you name it), and my desire to want to make everything perfect, was covering up a deep fear. This fear related to my sense of self-worth.

I realized that my sense of self-worth was tied to project completions and achievements. I was afraid to fail, I was scared to not live up to my own standards and I was worried that others would think less of me if I stumbled. But the kicker was that I was mostly scared because I thought that if I did not live up to my own expectations, *I* would be nothing. No wonder I felt the need to control outcomes!

It’s not always fun to listen deeply. But I strongly believe that it’s harder not to. I could have kept up the rat race by attempting to control my unconscious fear by finishing projects quickly. But I would have only repeated the cycle with the next project. Instead, I took a deep breath and decided to look inward – which made me feel vulnerable and very human. And yet, I also felt strong and clear when I realized what I was dealing with.

I know that having high standards for myself isn’t terrible. I like doing things to the best of my abilities and I’m sure other people can relate. But I’ve learned that my efforts need to be grounded in love, for myself and for my projects, not driven by fear-based motivations. I’ve learned that when I start to hear that rigid woman marching inside me I’ve got to stop, breathe and let go. I’ve also decided that one day soon I’m going to do something really badly just to show myself I’ve got permission to!

I wish I was able to integrate a complete sense of my true self-worth overnight. Unfortunately our bodies live in a time-space continuum and it’s not always easy to undo beliefs that we’ve accumulated over decades. But I’ve started the journey. Even in the midst of the hustle and bustle I’m going to gently remind myself that my worth is not tied to anything. I’m going to remember the message of the tree: “Let go. Be supported. You can be still and be worthy.” Projects, life, and well pretty much everything is so much easier knowing my worth is immeasurable. So is yours.

Processes for reflection:

Take a walk. Breathe in the air. Let the wind revive you and lean up against a tree. Really lean against it with your full weight. I like to do this while standing but you can also sit against it with your back to it if you like. If you sit you will notice that you will also feel supported by the ground.

Imagine giving your cares and problems to the tree. Experience how good it feels to let the tree support you so easily and effortlessly. Ask for answers if you would like them. Breathe in and out and let your mind focus on your breathing.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Just continue breathing and letting your mind drift. Or if possible keep your mind focused on your breathing. Notice your feelings. Absorb any answers or impressions that come to you. Acknowledge everything. Then imagine your mind as lighter, carefree. Let your mind feel like the wind through the trees. Notice how you feel after your tree session (and don’t forget to thank the tree for being with you).

Bonus Process

The next time you’re caught in a controlling mood, stop. Become aware of where you are. Don’t try to stop your desire for control, just note where you are. How does it feel? Where is your need for control stemming from? Look deeper. What is your need for control covering up? What other part of you wants to be heard? Listen gently. Be kind to yourself.

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.

we know you’re busy. now shut up about it.

“So sorry, I’ve been busy.”

“I’m just so busy with…”

“I’ve been too busy too…”

Busy? Get in line.

If I ever tell you that, “I’m so sorry that I’ve been too busy to…” then I’ll pay $500 bucks to your favourite charity and get you a year supply of Haagen Dazs bars. Of course I’m busy. That’s life. That’s my life. That’s most people’s lives. Grown up humans tend to be…busy. Add kids, or business start ups, or illness into the mix and you have…much more of life to be busy about.

“I’m just so busy,” is the typically gasping, rushed, whiny refrain that’s become a contemporary anthem. It doesn’t make us look more important, it makes us look just-this-side-of-frazzled. It’s typically used as a lite apology, an excuse, a duck-out, as if your Life Master is making you do stuff that you don’t want to do. Even as a well-intended social pleasantry, “Sorry, I’ve been busy,” has a little victim ring to it.

Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it – in the fullness of ambition and desire and wanting to eat life whole. Sometimes we take on to-do’s and commit to climb mountains because our soul demands it. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and unrelenting demands. Sometimes busyness is the result of keeping up with the Joneses. Busy can be good. Busy can be bad. Busy is most often a choice.

The “busier than our predecessors…age of technology…workaholic culture,” argument. I don’t buy it. Yes, we appear to be more compulsive, less nuclear, and surviving on less sleep than the pioneers, but their lives were just as packed. They were extremely busy planting potatoes and raising barns, and surviving from sunup to sundown (they got more sleep than we average because, a) they didn’t have the luxuries that light bulbs afford, and b) they did physically exhausting work.) The fifties housewife was just as busy. Before eco-evil but ever-so-handy tools like disposable diapers, the Swifer and microwaves, June Cleaver had to work it.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy,” is often used to appease busy-bodies. – the kind of people who email you to double check if you got their email from yesterday, or their thank you note.

So what do you tell ‘em when you’re late? When you can’t fit another moment into your daytimer, when you have to send regrets, or pass on a sweet opportunity? Tell them the truth. Report on life, rather than whining about it. Deliver it with ease or with pride if you’re inclined. “Been in five cities in four weeks. The kid’s all had the flu. It’s tax season, you know.” Let people meet you in your clear truth rather than your apologetic panic.

And sometimes, many times, you don’t need to excuse yourself at all. Just show up. Present and accountable, full of life and it’s demands. We all understand.

we know you’re busy. now shut up about it.

Danielle LaPorte is the creator of www.whitehottruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality & business” and lead author of Style Statement: Live By Your Own Design. She is the former Director of a think tank for futures studies, ran her own communications agency to promote Nobel Prize winners and a few old pop stars, and now works one-on-one with her signature Fire Starter sessions to help entrepreneurs rock their careers and creativity. Featured in Elle, Body + Soul, Vogue Australia, Better Homes & Gardens, Globe & Mail, The National Post and Entertainment Tonight, Danielle is based in Vancouver BC.

LISTENING

Have you ever been pulled, pushed, prodded, shoved, coaxed, enticed, cajoled or sweet-talked by different voices in your head? Ugh! What a nuisance they are! It’s hard work making sense of them and harder still to quiet them so that you can hear your one true authentic voice, your truth, your inner self.

This month I was tangled up in the sticky web of my oh-so-human thought preoccupations. While battling the cyclone in my head, I began to notice that my various voices (disguised as opinions, criticisms, ideas, worries, options, etc.) had one thing in common: they were fear based.

Having had enough of being plagued by the cloudy disarray of thoughts and feelings in my internal world, I took to the blank page and began to write my voices. I wrote down everything. I focused on the subtle (and not so subtle!) feelings and wrote them down. I wrote down my worries (I’m a Cancerian…there were quite a few!). I wrote down my dilemmas, my high hopes, my deep fears. I literally wrote until the ink in my pen ran out and then I grabbed another one (yes, I have a callus on my hand). I wrote down to the bones of me. I was raw, real and revealed to that blank page and it had to take me as I was. It was scary and freeing and cathartic and messy and healing all at once.

I didn’t think about what I was going to write. My consciousness was like a freight train – not stopping for anything (Next station: Honestville). I didn’t censor myself. I didn’t worry about correct grammar. If a thought came, it was revealed on the page. If a feeling came, it was delivered. For those minutes (and some days for more than an hour) I was a mid-wife to my consciousness, birthing frayed thoughts and hidden feelings. I let the paper deal with everything.

And guess what?

After a few days of writing, I don’t have the ultimate perfect solution to my previous worries/concerns/dilemmas/etc. But I’m not bothered by that. I have something better. I have a clear channel to my gut, my inner knowing, my authentic voice, my inner-sage (you have one too). I’m no longer chasing after answers or trying to understand which voice or opinion is correct because I can hear my authentic voice. I’m listening to it easily now that my fear voices have calmed down and been expressed. I’m feeling solid and centred and sure of the way forward.

The way forward is not to grapple with my mind’s preoccupations. The way forward is not to rationalize my dilemmas. The way forward is not to make hasty impulsive decisions as a way to control my life. Often our impulsive decisions are born from fear (although we often don’t recognize them as fear). Those voices and fear, those preoccupations and impulses are not the way forward.

The way forward, is inward.

Processes for reflection:

Create a sacred space around you. Find a place where you will not be interrupted. Turn of your iPhone, get away from your computer, hang a Do Not Disturb sign on your door. Take this time for you. Find a pen, notebook or journal and think about a topic about which you would like more insight. Begin to write. Write freely. Don’t censor yourself in any way. Don’t peek at what you’ve written. Keep writing until you can’t write anymore.

Experience this writing release every day for at least one week. Don’t look at what you’ve written. If you absolutely must peek be sure to adopt the attitude of the ‘gentle-sage’ witness (don’t criticize yourself for anything).

After a week of this daily process, look back over your thoughts. Notice patterns, thought processes and ideas that come to you. Consider if you feel calmer or more aware of aspects of your true self, your true voice. You will most likely have deepened your awareness about yourself and your topic. For maximum benefits repeat the writing process often. You’ll always be starting from a new vantage point.

Aynsley Saxe has been practicing Reiki since the year 2000 and is a registered Reiki Master/Teacher with the Canadian Reiki Association. As the founder of Open Essence, Aynsley facilitates private Reiki treatments, community Reiki shares, and dynamic Reiki workshops. Committed to living with purpose, passion and well-being, Aynsley inspires others to deepen their self-awareness through her engaging “Thought of the Month” columns. Visit www.openessence.ca for more information.